freewrite: playing games

Pictured above: pit-stop in the Badlands after our rental car flashed a engine overheat warning

are you into games? 
You must be, the way you've been playing me, hmmmm? 
I'm just kidding-- no I’m not
No but forreal though
You know, I used to live in this townhouse complex on Glen Erin Drive in Sauga when I was like four
And the neighbourhood kids used to knock on the door all the time and ask me to play
but my dad would be like, no, she’s busy doing homework
But it wouldn’t even actually be, like real homework
It would just be like a bunch of math problems he just made up for me to do
So one day those kids just stop knocking and asking
But I do remember this one time I was allowed to go out and play
And we were at the park
And we were digging around in the sand and one of them found this plastic treasure chest
And I was shook because
I guess I hadn’t developed a sense of object permanence or something because I didn’t realize that they must’ve buried this in the sand awhile ago so they could find it on this day
But when we found it, and I had thought that we had just come across a chest of buried treasure,
It just felt really magical to me
And we split the treasure.
At four years old I had a crush on the boy next door who was maybe two or three years older than me, his name was Scott
When I would be stuck inside doing work, I’d see him biking past my window
Sometimes he’d look at me and wave
And I’d wave back but then I’d always need to go back to work
But on this day he handed me this little plastic gem in this light dark blue colour
The colour of a cornflower
And I kept and cherished this plastic gemstone from this boy which I perceived as a token of his love
I glued it onto a ring and wore it all the time
Eventually it popped off though and I’ve kept it in this little plastic heart shaped container I’d used to store beads ever since
I’ve kept it for all these years
I remember coming across it when I was staying with my parents this past December, locked in a mirror
And I stared at it and
I don’t know why it made me emotional
But I think it was just the fact that love back then seemed so simple
Is that corny? I don’t know
But I moved in grade three and I never saw Scott again
I wonder how he’s doing now

This post was originally published on Instagram on January 21, 2021.